I'm a Cowboy

Its the little things in life that just make you realize how incredibly precious each day is. And how much little moments matter. And time. Time is so incredibly precious. Turn your back for a minute and you could miss something so unique, so precious, just a one time thing...

Today was one of those days. Watching Lexsey play catch and tag with all of the other kids in the neighborhood, and then our adventures at the store just remind me of how lucky I am to get to spend as much time with her as I do.

We went on a mission today to find a cheap sweater for me at a second hand store. Lexsey zeroed in a four wheeled walker with basket as the prize of the store. She spent our time there running from one end and back pushing that walker like a pro. The eighty year old ladies were put to shame with her manueverability and agility. LOL.

Later tonight we ventured to Joanns fabric store with Chris. We were looking at the halloween decorations, and Lexsey discovered a little headband with a cowboy hat and yellow pig tails. She immediately put it on, and yelled" IM COWBOY LEXSEY!! Giddee up!!" When I tried to correct her that she is a cowgirl, she ran through the store yelling " IM A COWBOY! COWBOY LEXSEY!!!"

And thats just one of those things, you don't want to miss!

Discontent

I have been horrible about updating this. Really, really horrible. I started the blog when I was reeling from the loss of our precious little angel, and struggling against anger and frustration. I have felt over the last few months that I have really healed, and moved forward.

Reading my last entry, I realized how far from true peace I am. I am still railing against society and the woes of the world on a daily basis. If anything that has gotten worse. How many times recently have I come home from work totally jaded and angry at the world? Frustrated that so many children go neglected and are abused, how many people chose to live their lives completely fruitlessly, and suck the sweet juice out of life for others.

But why? Why do I let things get to me so much? Why can't I just do my part and let things go?

I think I am a fixer. I just want to fix things for people. I can't fix this world. I need to just accept that this world is NOT PERFECT. People are not perfect. I can do my little part in this world to help the people that I come into contact with, and raise my child the way that I think a child should be raised, in a loving home with two parents that adore her. I can't fix this world- because it is broken. Exactly the reason that we need the salvation our loving God has to offer us through his Son.



And there we are...I still have a long way to go from where I want to be. Where I want to be spiritually as a woman, and a mother. I think I was making a lot of progress when I was actually going to church each week, but as things seem to go around here, we haven't been in a really long time. I need to make that a priority. I really do.



Other than my jaded/discontented frustrations being unchanged, I have come to realize exactly where I stand when it comes to priorities in my life. I have always known that being a mom would be incredibly important to me. I now realize that I am defined by being a mom. I was born to be Lexsey's mom. I love it. I adore her. I want to spend each and every day with her, and teach her things, and spend that time just talking with her. I miss her when I have to work, horribly. I was born to be a mom. I wish I would have been the 40's-50's housewife. I love being at home. Can I be a stay at home mom? Please? Really? Why not?

Stupid bills. I really really wish I could just stay home and hang out with the pumpkin. Especially now that she is a fun little girl, who loves to talk, and loves to just come and cuddle with her totally uncool mom every now and again. SHE is the biggest blessing in the world. That, and her amazing dad, who still puts up with me and my far from perfect personality and occasionally horrid attitude. He is a pretty special guy :)